For husbands and wives
How to Help a Spouse Struggling With Addiction
Your vows probably did not address compulsive substance abuse. Here is how to recognize addiction in a spouse, avoid enabling it, and support them through treatment and recovery.
About this guide
Helping a spouse
You promised to care for each other in sickness and in health, in moments of both joy and despair. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, addiction — also called substance use disorder — affected more than 20 million people in a single year, and it causes a person to lose control of their thoughts and behaviors.
Most experts view addiction as a chronic, progressive disease. It cannot be cured, but people who receive proper care can manage their symptoms and regain control of their lives — while without the right treatment, symptoms are likely to become more severe. That is why what a spouse does, and does not do, matters so much.
Ambrosia Behavioral Health offers a full continuum of customized care in South Florida for adults whose lives have been disrupted by addiction — and admissions can help you plan the conversation before your spouse ever walks through the door.
Signs of addiction in a spouse
The first step is learning to identify the signs. No single sign is definitive proof, but a spouse who shows several of these may be in crisis and should get a professional assessment.
- Needs the substance to deal with stress, relax, or simply get to sleep
- Rarely goes more than a day or two without using
- Lies about the amount and frequency of their use
- Is secretive about their whereabouts and activities
- Cannot have fun or feel pleasure without the substance
- Becomes angry, anxious, or irritable when they cannot use
- Uses in clearly unsafe circumstances, like driving
- Keeps using despite personal, medical, legal, or work problems
- Tries to stop, but the attempts never stick
Helping vs. enabling
It is equally important to understand what not to do. Certain behaviors seem helpful but actually make the problem worse — that is enabling. To avoid it, keep these in mind:
Though it may be difficult, it is also essential not to resent your spouse. People with a substance use disorder do not act destructively because they want to — they act this way because they have lost the ability to control themselves.
- Do not try to ignore the problem
- Do not make excuses for your spouse’s behavior
- Do not protect them from the consequences of their actions
- Do not put their needs ahead of your own, or your children’s
- Do not give them money you suspect will buy alcohol or drugs
- Do not blame yourself — or anyone else — for their behavior
How to help
Keep them safe
Do your best to prevent driving under the influence, encourage nutritious food, and make sure they get medical help when they need it — addiction causes people to neglect their health.
Reassure them
Shame and guilt run deep in addiction. Let your spouse know you do not define them by this disorder, and leave no doubt they have your love and support.
Educate yourself
Learn about the disease, explore treatment options, and talk to professionals. The more you understand, the more meaningful your help becomes.
Convince them to get help
Addictions do not simply disappear, and the longer treatment is resisted, the greater the risk of serious harm. Share what you have learned, prepare for multiple conversations, and do not give up.
Supporting a spouse through detox and treatment
Detox is a short-term process that lets people safely rid their bodies of alcohol and other addictive substances. It is a vital service — and a difficult time. Depending on the facility’s policies, you may be able to write letters, send emails, talk on the phone, or visit in person; your spouse’s treatment team can tell you the best ways to support them while they are there.
After detox, your spouse may transition into inpatient treatment, an intensive outpatient program with a few hours of treatment several days a week, or outpatient sessions that provide long-term support — often alongside 12-step meetings or other structured services.
Your support matters for the long haul
Recovery from addiction is a lifelong process, and your spouse will need you during and after treatment. You have both been affected — you both deserve help building a healthier future.
- Maintain a substance-free household — home should be safe and temptation-free
- Encourage continued treatment or a support group, and find a counselor or group for yourself
- Find fun, substance-free activities you both enjoy to fill the hours addiction used to consume
- Be patient: plan to be present for the successes, the setbacks, and the in-between
Ready to talk with admissions?
Admissions is available 24/7 to answer questions about mental health and substance use treatment options.